


A Study in Neology

by jollyswoosh



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Teen Romance, romance centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-04-24 10:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19171030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jollyswoosh/pseuds/jollyswoosh
Summary: Neology: the coining of new words or expressions; Ineffable: too great or extreme to be described in words; Love: a definition forever in progress. But maybe we just need a few new words.At first blush it seemed that the summer of Connie's 15th year would be one of routine, of long days with the Gems and especially Steven, carefully avoiding any romantic expression in favor of well-worn childhood friendship. Then a dark figure in a stolen trap takes threatening interest in Steven and Connie, forcing the issue for a gain no one can quite figure out. And when the summer takes a turn for the world-ending Steven and Connie's relationship is pulled along for the possible destruction.It seemed that things -- many things -- would change that summer after all. Chaos is the nature of the universe, you know. It can only stay in stasis for so long.





	1. Mamihlapinatapei

Mamihlapinatapei 

_The look between two people in which each loves the other but is too afraid to make the first move_

So, here was the situation: Connie wasn’t sure if -- technically -- she needed to confess her feelings to Steven at all.

Specifically, her smushy, romantic-type feelings that might involve kissing and such. After becoming friends while facing down monsters, combining body and mind through fusion, learning to fight together, and saving the planet from magical aliens, how much was there really left to confess? They knew each other inside and out, literally. There was no way he didn’t know she loved him. It’s not like they needed to say it out loud.

And yet…

Connie glanced up and over her shoulder, her vision mostly full of Steven’s curly hair, sitting back-to-back as they were on his couch. He didn’t notice her, engrossed in the new book she had just gifted him. She was on the third volume of the series herself, but she wasn’t really taking it in at the moment, if she was honest. She was just ever so slightly distracted.

Steven had started growing his hair out recently. There were a few daisies scattered about in it this afternoon, likely placed there by Lapis a few days ago. Flowers took a long time to wilt in Steven’s hair, it turned out, and these days he smelled sweet and grassy. His body had finally caught up with his age recently, too. She still vividly remembered the day before her fifteenth birthday a few months ago, opening her door to a very excited, very tall Steven, dressed in his father’s clothes, his own suddenly much too small. She had spent most of her party the following day distracted as well.

“What’s up, Connie?”

Connie jumped, nearly falling off the couch. Her foolish heart was beating like a snare drum. Steven laughed and turned around to steady her, raising his eyebrow at her uncharacteristic uncomposure. Crap. She hadn’t meant to get caught staring. Not that it should be a problem? Why would it be a problem? She should just be honest. Tell him that she liked the way he smelled, liked his longer hair, enjoyed being able to lean comfortably against the wide, soft expanse of his back. He knew how she felt, right?

“Uh,” she said instead, her face hot.

Steven laughed in that very Steven-y way. “You’ve been acting so goofy today. You feeling okay?”

“Totally!” She said, too quickly. “Totally. Just, ah, anxious to hear what you think of _The Last of the Roses._ ”

“It’s awesome!” Steven exclaimed, his eyes glittering with glee, “Jesse and Ali make such a good team. I’m at the part with the labyrinth. I can’t wait to see how they figure it out! I bet Ali has a really clever plan for just such an occasion.” He gave Connie a wink and a finger gun to end the statement and she found herself blushing at even this silly gesture. She shook her head, trying to rebalance her general person and get back to normal.

“Well, you might be a little bit surprised, then,” she said, smirking through her rebellious, squishy emotions.

“Ahh! No spoilers!” Steven clamped his hands over his ears with a pout. Connie laughed and Steven pouted harder.

It was a childish thing to do for both of them, but Connie couldn’t help but find most things Steven did endearing, even the childish things. She liked seeing his puffed-out cheeks, his scrunched-up eyebrows, the slight frustrated flush on his cheeks. She liked it the same way she liked his vibrant laugh, the determined set of his eyebrows when they were faced with danger, the way his hands clenched over his heart when he saw something beautiful. Steven’s faux-grumpiness lasted only a beat more before he giggled as well, smiling gently at Connie.

And she had to admit, she probably liked this soft-focused version of Steven best; the version that sat on the beach with her talking about life and the stars and the future, who queued up tinny, low-quality music on his phone and danced with her, just because he wanted to, who made a sunset more vibrant simply by reminding you to really _look_ at it, the way yellow and orange and violet and indigo blended together until they became a star-studded night.

“Are we interrupting something?” Came the familiar voice certain motherly Crystal Gem.

“Nothing!” Said Steven, suddenly fumbling, breaking eye contact. “Uh, book club!” He reneged, holding _The Last of the Roses_ in front of his face. For Connie’s part, she just dropped her face into the open book that had been sitting forgotten in her lap, face absolutely glowing.

“Right…” said Pearl, clearly not convinced. Garnet and Amethyst flanked her, both smiling knowingly.

“When’d you guys get back?” Connie asked, her voice muffled in the book.

“Like, a minute ago. You didn’t seem to notice,” Amethyst’s knowing grin got, if anything, bigger.

“How is Rhodonite doing setting up the new warp pads?” Steven asked, jumping to his feet. Thanks to their newly-friendly relationship with Home World, new Gem technology was slowly being brought to earth for the first time in thousands of years. There would be no new Kindergartens or anything else harmful to the planet, but it was agreed that a few additional Gem structures and warp pads couldn’t hurt too much, so long as they were fairly remote.

“The new warp pads are interfacing fairly well with the older technology here on earth,” Pearl said, clapping her hands together excitedly, “However…”

“Something unexpected has happened,” Garnet finished. Connie felt the room get suddenly more somber. Something happening that not even Garnet expected -- that needed to be taken seriously.

“We’re not sure what to make of it,” Pearl said, “it’s not hostile, but we don’t know much else about what it is or why it’s here.”

Connie and Steven locked eyes. They nodded to each other before springing into action, Connie grabbing her sword and Steven darting up to his bedroom to get his cheeseburger backpack. In moments they were ready, standing expectantly on the warp pad.

“Well? Let’s go!” Connie shouted, securing her sword to her back.

“We haven’t even said what it is yet!” Amethyst replied.

“The best way to explain is to show us, right?” Steven smiled, waving over the Gems. Connie couldn’t help but smile, too. A new adventure with Steven and the Crystal Gems! It had been far too long. She glanced up at Steven and he caught her eye again, grin growing even wider. He winked and threw her a finger gun once more, and this time Connie returned the favor. She felt a light thump on her shoulder and looked over to see Amethyst.

“Hold out on the flirting until later, dude,” she said, eyes gleaming.

“We’re not --!” but the rest of her sentence was lost as the warp pad activated and the five of them were surrounded by its familiar blue-white light, pulled now to a distant corner of the earth.


	2. Druxy

Druxy

_Something which looks good on the outside, but is actually rotten inside_

Pearl said that they were on a small island near the equator and not far off the coast of Africa, and it was certainly hot enough for that to be true. Connie’s mock-neck sweater had been a good choice for sitting around reading but was decidedly uncomfortable now.

“Pearl,” Connie said, tugging at the neck of her shirt, “do you have a spare tank top?”

“Let’s see…” Pearl said. She closed her eyes and her gem began to glow softly as she quickly shuffled through her alphabetized stash. “T… T-A… Ah! There we are.” Her gem glowed brighter as the requested garment came fluttering out. Connie caught it and held it up. It clearly used to be a t-shirt, but the sleeves had been cut off, as well as the neck and bottom hem. A worn-in design on the front depicted the logo of a punk band in scratchy, harsh lettering.

“A gift from Sheena?” Connie said with a smirk, referring to Pearl’s pink-haired girlfriend.

Pearl blushed a bright blue, “She won’t mind if you borrow it, I’m sure.”

Connie glanced over at Steven, making sure he was facing away (he was), and quickly changed. The new shirt was baggy on her, and she knotted it up at the waist to keep it out of the way.

Pearl laughed, “Sheena would approve. I’ll hold on to your sweater for now.” Connie accepted the offer with a grateful smile.

“Come on you guys!” Shouted Amethyst from the top of a nearby hill.

Steven and Connie were told that the unidentified object was about a half-mile walk away, which gave them just enough of a hike to appreciate the scenery of the remote island. If they had been told it was an alien planet, neither would have questioned it -- that’s how strange the sparse foliage of the odd, arid hills were. The scattered trees came in two types: the ones with bulbous trunks the size of large animals and short branches with tiny leaves, and the ones with perfectly straight trunks and a cacophony of branches, a canopy of grass-like leaves only at the very outer level, making it look like an organic umbrella. The few distant animals, properly fearful of these strange intruders, had more in common with dinosaurs than modern mammals, covered in dusty spikes with violet tongues flickering from their mouths.

“Wow,” breathed Connie, holding a hand over her eyes to gaze out at the landscape.

“Yeah,” agreed Steven, “Earth really never quits, does it?”

After a few more minutes of walking, the group came over one final hill to reach their destination. “This is it,” said Garnet, almost needlessly. The unidentified object couldn’t have been more out of place: it was a large hedge maze, perfectly manicured and nestled happily in an ecosystem that could not possibly maintain it. Its impossibility of growth and structure wasn’t the only thing that made it clearly unnatural. It also seemed to be moving, growing and wilting at rapid speeds inside the structure, constantly rearranging its paths before the Crystal Gems’ eyes.

“There you are!” said a familiar voice. It was Rhodonite, standing just beside the hedge maze, her four hands all worrying against each other. The last couple of years on Earth had helped Rhodonite gain a lot of confidence and comfort in her own identity, but that slowly built improvement was clearly being tested right now. “We’ve -- I’ve been waiting for hours!”

“We brought Steven as soon as we could,” Garnet said, placing a comforting hand on Rhodonite’s shoulder, “it’s also only been about forty minutes.”

Amethyst snickered behind her hand, but Steven’s brow furrowed, surprised to hear himself being so specifically requested.

“Me?” Steven said, “Why me?”

“Mostly because it’s a plant,” Amethyst said, “Rose was always good with magical plant stuff, and that’s obv's something you’ve got too.” She gestured at the perpetually fresh flowers in Steven’s hair. For just a moment Steven's eyes went unreadable and he simply nodded, heading to the maze for a closer look.

“I still haven’t been able to find an entrance,” Rhodonite said, “And we have no idea where it came from. Yesterday there was nothing here and now, poof! A whole dang maze!”

Connie kept her eyes on Steven, always a little wary when similarities between him and Rose were pointed out. Steven was Steven, no one else, and everyone knew that by now, but sometimes the memory of his mother was heavier than others. Almost unconsciously, she walked up beside him, wanting to comfort, wanting to be close.

“It’s funny,” he said, feeling Connie nearby, “it’s almost exactly the same.”

“The same as what?” Connie asked. She turned to look at the maze as well. It had oppressively dark green leaves, glossy and glittering in the sun, thick with thorns.

“The same as _The Last of the Roses_. Look…” He reached a careful hand into the bush and plucked something, then held it out for Connie to see. It was a ripe blackberry, as plump and brilliant as a jewel. “They’re all blackberry bushes. Just like the labyrinth in the first book, the one Jesse and Ali get caught in. That maze was made out of blackberry bushes, too.”

“That is odd.” Connie reached into the bush and plucked a blackberry as well. She looked at it closely, but other than looking especially ripe and delicious, there was nothing out of the ordinary about it. Without really thinking about it, she popped it into her mouth.

She was on the ground. The solid form of her sword was pressing uncomfortably into her back. Her head was spinning. Somewhere, distantly, she could hear voices calling out names, her's and Steven’s. Steven… Steven! Where was he? She opened her eyes and found everything was blurry and indistinct. She forced herself up, ignoring the nausea it caused her, how her vision became even more distorted. Steven. She had to find Steven. She groped through the swirling colors that surrounded her, searching only for her friend, her...

Hands enclosed around her wrists and everything came crashing back into focus. Her ears were ringing as her eyes found Steven’s. Something was loud, very loud, but she couldn’t tell what. She concentrated on Steven. He was saying something and she strained to hear it.

“Breathe!” she heard, muffled despite how labored his face looked, “Breathe, Connie!”

Connie pulled in a breath, and whatever sound-proofing she had been trapped in finally broke. Her lungs were burning. How long had her breath been caught in her throat like that? She gasped at the air, hyperventilating, until finally her feet felt solid on the ground again.

“Steven!” Screamed Pearl, “Connie! Are you okay?”

“We’re fine!” Said Connie, “We’re --” She looked around for the first time and realized she and Steven we’re inside the blackberry maze, surrounded by bushes on all sides. “How…?”

“I don’t know,” said Steven, “We both just ended up here all of a sudden. I ate that berry, and…” Steven slapped an admonishing hand against his forehead, “Ugh, why did I eat that berry?”

“I ate one, too,” Connie said, “I didn’t even think about it.”

Steven’s eyes got wide. “ _I_ might do something like that, but that’s really not like you, Connie.”

Connie shook her head, confused and frustrated. She drew her sword from her back and lowered her center of gravity, facing the hedge. “We can talk about it once we’re out of here. First, let’s get back to the Gems.”

“Hey, guys!” She shouted. “Step back! I’m gonna cut our way out!”

“Oh, duh!” Said Amethyst’s voice. “I can’t believe we didn’t do that from the start!”

“Be careful!” Said Pearl.

Connie raised her sword above her head and brought it down with graceful force, expecting the snap and crunch of broken branches. Instead, it felt like her sword was going through wet cement, thick, slow, and barely yielding. The bush still looked just like a bush, but clearly didn’t behave like one. With effort, she yanked her sword back out. It came back clean, no sap, no berry juice. Nothing.

“That… that didn’t work,” she said.

Steven and Connie heard the familiar sound of the Gems summoning their weapons, then the grunts of exertion as they tried to make an opening.

“It’s no good!” Said Garnet, “We’re not getting anywhere like this.”

Steven’s eyes suddenly lit up. “If we can’t brute-force it, we’ll go around! We can just jump out!”

He scooped up Connie, bent at the knees, and with a great push he propelled them both up, bursting above the edge of the maze in milliseconds. For a split moment they were over the wall and they saw their friends, faces alight to see the two teens both safe and sound and nearly back to them. Then the bush rushed up to greet them, the walls rising as fast as they could, faster even. Connie and Steven looked quickly for another opening, but the whole maze had grown tall, forcing them in with its thorns, its other-worldly biology.

Steven floated back to the ground, the walls following his descent. He made no move to put Connie down once they hit solid earth and she didn’t mind, tightening her free arm around his shoulder.

“What’s going on?” She said softly into Steven’s neck. He lowered his face to be closer to hers, and she tried to let herself be calmed by the sound of his breathing.

They heard movement behind them and Steven turned them both around to see the wall dissolve, opening up to the rest of the labyrinth.

“I guess the only way out,” said Connie, “is through.”

\-----

It took some time to convince the Gems to let Connie and Steven attempt the maze without them, and even longer to convince Pearl not to eat one of the berries and join them on the inside. After all, in an area this remote there wasn’t exactly any cell service, so they couldn’t stay in contact with each other. And the berries? They had no idea what kind of effect it would have on Gem biology, whatever that constituted. Eventually though, they got the okay to go ahead, being assured back-up was on its way soon.

That had been about an hour ago.

“Let’s stop and rest,” said Steven. “I’ve got some water in my backpack. We should try and stay hydrated.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Connie conceded. It was hard to say how far they had gotten in the maze. Once or twice they had run into dead-ends, but the maze was changing and morphing so much it felt much more like they were taking an endless road to nowhere. The two sat on the ground and Steven got out the water, passing the bottle to Connie first.

“There are so many weird things going on here,” Connie muttered, sipping listlessly.

“I know,” said Steven, “The maze being just like the one in the book, the way that we both just sort of ate those berries, like we weren’t totally in control of ourselves…”

“Speaking of that,” Connie said, passing the bottle back to Steven, “how did you recover so much faster than I did? You got knocked out too, right?”

“I did. I’m… I’m not really sure what happened. I ate the berry and everything went black and then I woke up in the maze. I felt a little dizzy, but besides that I was fine. And then I saw you, and you were…” Steven’s eyes shifted away from hers. His hands clenched and unclenched, then settled into a fist. Connie put her hand on top of his.

“Hey, I’m okay now. With you there, I was totally fine. Whatever was happening to me, you pulled me out of it.”

“It was so scary. Your eyes had gone all… black.”

Connie shivered, despite the heat. She imagined the way she must have looked to Steven, stumbling around, lurching while she searched for him, her eyes wide, frightened, and totally blacked-out. She squeezed Steven’s fist and he rearranged their hands in response, lacing his fingers in hers. His hands had gotten so big.

“I don’t think these are real blackberry bushes,” he said, his thumb rubbing against Connie’s. “I mean, besides the obvious stuff like how they’re impervious to weapons and the berries make you teleport. They just don’t _feel_ right. I get these feelings from plants sometimes, almost like they have emotions or a soul or something. From these bushes I get nothing.”

“They don’t look right, either,” Connie said. “The leaves are way too dark, and they aren’t shaped right.”

The two of them sat for a moment, stewing on this information, Steven’s thumb never stopping its stroking motion up and down Connie’s finger.

“What’s going on?” Steven said, echoing Connie’s question from earlier.

Another hour passed. The sun was starting to get low in the sky, taking the edge off the heat. Steven and Connie were having another rest, munching on energy bars that had been hanging out in Steven’s backpack for longer than either of them really wanted to think about. Connie’s eyes were cast upwards, gazing at the cloudless sky.

“I think,” she said, “that I’m gonna have to spoil you, Steven.”

“Huh?”

“For the book.”

“Ughhhh,” Steven moaned, “I was afraid this would happen.”

“Sorry.” To her credit, Connie did look genuinely regretful. She finished her energy bar and stuffed the wrapper into her pants pocket, then got to her feet, offering a hand to Steven.

Steven took it; “Okay,” he said, standing, “so how do Jesse and Ali get out of the maze?”

“Labyrinth,” Connie corrects, “and I’m not trying to be pedantic. That difference is actually part of how they figure it out.”

Steven nodded slowly, not getting it. Connie giggled lightly.

“So, the difference between a maze and a labyrinth is that a maze is a puzzle that’s meant to be solved. A labyrinth is part of a spiritual journey, and while it might be winding and disorienting, it’s not meant to be puzzel -- there’s only one path. The two words are often used interchangeably, but they aren’t originally the same.”

“Jeez, Connie,” Steven’s eyes were sparkling, “you’re really smart.”

Connie rubbed the back of her neck, as if Steven didn’t express this sentiment regularly. “It’s nothing -- it’s in _The Last of the Roses._ So, what happens is, Ali tries to figure out the labyrinth like it’s a maze, and he and Jesse just get more and more lost. Jesse -- whom I’m sure you’ve realized is the more emotionally intelligent of the two -- is the one who realizes that this outward challenge is actually one of introspection. It’s when they start to _feel_ their way through that they find the center.”

“Do you really think it’ll work? If we do the same thing, I mean.”

“It can’t hurt to try it,” Connie looked around at the bushes that surrounded them. “This isn’t strictly a labyrinth in the traditional sense, since it does have branching paths and dead-ends, but the labyrinth in _The Last of the Roses_ is like that, too. If this is some kind of copy, it’s got some magical logic going on, just like the one in the book.”

“Alright,” said Steven. He held out his hand and Connie took it. The two of them locked eyes, and in unison, took a deep breath, clearing their minds as they had so many times before.

“Let your thoughts wander where they will, but don’t let yourself get sucked into anything,” Steven said, letting his eyes close for a second, “just let your mind go. Give it space to breathe, to let the light in.”

Connie nodded. Steven opened his eyes and together, hands clasped, they moved forward.

It was an odd sensation, walking together with no agreed upon path, just trusting they would naturally go the same way. But really, it was hardly all that different from fusion. They were just staying in their separate bodies this time. Connie breathed in again, vaguely noticing Steven doing the same thing at the same time, and let her mind reach into the vast plain of possibility.

A spiritual journey. Connie couldn’t consider herself religious, but magic was real. What did that mean for souls, for an afterlife? Maybe when she died, the energy that had once been her would become part of whatever force let Gems summon matter from thin air, what let Steven bring the deceased back to life with his tears. That was something. Maybe she wouldn’t die at all, maybe Steven would bring her back and she’d live for… well, who knows how long? As long as Lion has. As long as Lars will. Would that be a good thing? Immortality was a tricky subject. Most human media depicted it as a burden, but Gems could live indefinitely, and they didn’t seem to have a problem with it, talking about thousands of years as if it was a small measure of time.

How long would Steven live?

Connie stumbled.

“It’s just a thought,” said Steven. Connie glanced at him and he smiled softly. “Let it go.”

Connie took another breath. They kept walking.

Steven. Steven Quartz Universe. A goofy kid with a goofy name. Well, not really a kid anymore. A teenager. A young man. Almost as tall as his dad. Eyes like stars. Kind to a fault. She loved him. It was hard to imagine that they might not have ever met each other. There was no magical destiny. There were just the twists and turns of life. She and Steven meeting wasn’t planned; them fusing wasn’t written into the cosmos; her learning to fight, going off into space, ending the diamond dictatorship -- none of it _had_ to happen. That’s what made it remarkable that it did. That’s what made it amazing that a shy bibliophile sitting on a beach and an awkward, over-enthusiastic kid ended up slotting so easily into each other’s lives. Life was remarkable. The universe was remarkable. _Her_ ‘Universe’ was remarkable.

Connie almost wanted to laugh at her own brain’s silly joke. She couldn’t pretend she hadn’t made it before. One day, she would share it. When? When indeed. She could do it now. Book club earlier that day came into her mind, how she could have easily told Steven all the things she was thinking, all the ways him just being there made sitting around reading better. Why didn’t she? Because she was shy, scared. Why was that? What if he didn’t feel the same way? Of course he did. But he hadn’t said it. They didn’t need to say it. But words, words had power. Maybe he should say it. Maybe _she_ should say it.

Connie’s stomach began to twist, and she inhaled slowly through her nose. Just a thought.

It was easy to stay just friends. It was safe, it was comfortable. And she was so happy. She had so much more than so many people would ever have, and she knew what was down this path. She could look down it and see to the end. To say “I love you” out loud meant taking a turn, and she had no idea where that turn would lead. The odds for childhood sweethearts who made it work were vanishingly small. There was no magical destiny. Anything could happen.

Could she let that stop her?

They were at a fork in the path, one way continuing forward, the other a sharp turn left. They stopped. Connie blinked, surprised. They hadn’t done this at any other part since they’d started, but this felt different. It felt like they had to. She looked up at Steven and he looked down at her. His face was tenderly pink, and something about it made Connie’s heart jump, though she couldn’t say why.

“What do you think?” He breathed, almost too quiet to hear.

“Left.” It felt like another voice, but it was hers. The answer felt right.

“Yeah,” said Steven.

They turned. Immediately the bushes shifted, and they found themselves at the center of a perfect circle, the smell of berries suddenly stronger, nearly overwhelmingly so.

“We’re here!” Said Steven, dropping Connie’s hand in surprise. “We found the center!”

“Now what?” Said Connie. They didn’t have to wonder for long.

Long, delicate fingers came up behind both of them, covering their eyes.

“Found you,” said a voice, dark and measured and… familiar.

Connie wanted to reach for her sword but couldn’t move, couldn’t even reach out for Steven’s hand again. The fingers in front of her eyes were large, big enough to easily encompass her whole head and then some. How big was this person?

“Come,” said the voice, “she needs you.”

All at once, the earth began to violently shake, and Connie’s vision was clear, the person behind her making a sound of frustration. She stumbled and then hastily turned around, pulling her sword from her back as she did, hearing Steven’s shield emerge just to her side, but it was too late. Whoever was behind them was gone, leaving only an odd, black, digital smoke, like dead pixels flickering in the air. The earth shaking only got stronger and Connie was forced to her knees, Steven doing the same. A drill burst out of the ground just in front of them, sending rocks and dirt flying in the air. A drill clearly made of Gem technology.

“There you are!” Came a raspy, excitable voice. The drill’s cockpit opened and Peridot jumped up, grin as wide as her visor. “Once again, the amazing Peridot saves the day!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I've never been a part of the SU fandom and it's been an awful long time since I've written any fanfiction, but I was SHOCKED, absolutely AGHAST, at how lacking the content for Steven/Connie fanfic was. I couldn't let it stand, and that is why we are here today. I'm "pantsing" this, as it were, so hopefully I don't write myself into corner. Consider this something of an experiment, including experimental writing ("uncomposure" isn't a word, for instance, but I'm using it anyway). Tags will be updated as needed and I won't be tagging any secondary pairings. And I'm posting the first two chapters at once, just 'cause.
> 
> Also, I'm writing using "interesting word" prompts from tumblr user coach-riko. I'm not staying strict to the definition of each word, but I am using them loosely to guide the story.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!


	3. Ayurnamat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a point in this chapter where you will want to listen to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh9gw5MGrjs) to get the full effect. You will know when it is.

Ayurnamat

_The philosophy that there is no point in worrying about events that cannot be changed_

 

Afterwards, Steven and Connie were told that the Gems left to get Lapis and Peridot not long after the two teens had started into the maze. They didn’t really have much hope that Lapis would be able to fly over the hedge, considering the way the labyrinth blocked their leaping escape earlier, but they did know that a certain green Gem had… _commandeered_ bits and pieces of new Gem technology coming to Earth, eager to play with it or even splice it with Earth tech. Luckily enough, Peridot’s bounty included a construction drill. The bulk of their delay had more to do with trying to get the drill onto a warp pad than anything else. Garnet utilized her future vision to give Peridot a few estimations of where Connie and Steven might be, and after a few tries, she hit jackpot and found them.

Lapis had been there too, because she was worried about Steven, and also because if Peridot went somewhere Lapis wasn’t likely to stay behind.

“And you’re sure you didn’t see whoever it was that found Connie and me first?” Steven asked Peridot for a third time. They were back at his house, congregated in the living room and brainstorming about the current situation. Steven was sitting on the ground in front of the couch, Lapis holding him from behind, reminding Connie of a worried puppy whose master had been gone too long. Connie sat to Lapis’s side, her leg occasionally bumping Steven.

“No, Steven,” Peridot said, clearly exasperated, “for the last time, I did not see this mystery person who was apparently _better than me_ at find you.” 

“You saved us, Peridot,” Connie said, trying to mitigate the Gem’s frustration, “Whoever that person was, if you hadn’t shown up when you did, they might have taken us who knows where.”

“‘She needs you,’” Pearl said, quoting the mystery figure, “A copy of the labyrinth in Steven and Connie’s book, the ability to temporarily disrupt cognitive and body function, fake plants…” she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, “there’s a lot of variables to this.”

“And we don’t know what’s up with any of them,” Amethyst said, glaring at the floor in frustration.

“We can start with the berries,” said Garnet. She held up a bubble with several black berries and a few twigs and leaves floating inside, “If we can figure what these plants are really made of, we’ll be that much closer to finding out who our enemy is.”

“Right,” agreed Pearl with a definitive nod. She took the bubble from Garnet, ever the go-to Gem for such analytical research.

“I’ll help!” said Peridot. Pearl smiled gratefully.

Connie checked her phone. It was nearly nine o’clock.

“I should get home,” she said, thinking about the worried looks on her parents’ faces if she missed her 9:30 cerfew by even a few seconds.

Pearl’s face got a pinched look. “About that,” she said, “Perhaps you should stay overnight. We have no idea what sort of side effects the berries you and Steven ate will have, and if… _something happens_ I really think it’d be better if you were nearby.”

Connie’s expression mirrored Pearl’s. She knew Pearl was right, but she hated making her parents worry. Explaining to them what had just happened and how she might be poisoned with some unknown substance was basically guaranteed to make them flip out.

“I’ll call them,” Pearl assured, “and explain everything.”

“Geez, P, leave something for the rest of us to do,” Amethyst said in her usual joking tone, but there was a concerned edge to her look, eyebrows set in a way that said _don’t overdo it, don’t take this all on yourself._

There was a lot of general concern in the air, from Amethyst’s understated unease, to the tight embrace Lapis had around Steven. It had been years since there’d been any real threat to the team. There was a sense of stability these days, the mundane certainty of safety received gratefully by the Crystal Gems, who had lived so long with peril as a bedfellow. Perhaps Peridot and even Connie might complain about boredom, about how just a _little bit_ of monster trouble would be a nice change of pace, but even they knew this was more than just a little bit of trouble.

 _“Be careful what you wish for,”_ Connie thought, remembering sourly how excited she’d been earlier that day, going off on a new adventure with Steven and the Gems.

“Alright,” said Garnet, standing strait with purpose, “We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us, so let’s get going. Pearl, Peridot, you know what to do. Amethyst, come with me. We have to inform the other Gems on Earth about this. Lapis, you stay here with Steven and Connie. If anything happens to either of them, come and get us _immediately._ ”

Everyone sounded-off their understanding in various ways, getting up to start their tasks. Connie slouched in her seat, feeling useless. _Just sit around and try not to die._ She felt a squeeze around her ankle and knew it was Steven, but remained stubbornly morose. Beside her, Lapis fidgeted and stood.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, before walking over to where Peridot stood with Pearl near the temple door. They spoke softly, in words Connie couldn’t parse. Steven took that moment to push himself up onto the couch beside Connie. She made a point to not look at him, though she could feel his worried gaze at the side of her face.

“You wanna order pizza for dinner?” he asked, and Connie’s stomach grumbled at the mere mention of food. Her face went bright red. Leave it to her hunger and Steven’s ernest nature to interrupt a good mope.

“Yeah,” she said, trying to abandon her attempts to be moody. Steven wasn’t going to let her, anyway. “Can we get the Veggie Lovers?”

“Extra cheese?”

“Always." 

Steven quickly took to his task as if it had the same urgency as the Gems’, dialing up Fish Stew Pizza and placing their order. Connie could vaguely hear what was probably Jenny’s exasperated voice on the other end, and Steven rubbed his neck with an embarrassed chuckle. “I forgot you were closing soon. Will a $15 dollar tip change anything?”

The voice was a lot less annoyed after that.

Connie got up and stretched, glancing over at Peridot, Lapis, and Pearl, the last of which was on the phone, probably calling her parents.

 _“I don’t want to listen to that,”_ Connie thought.

“Hey, Steven, do you have any old pajamas I can borrow?”

He found her a yellow set with an orange collar, worn in and buttery to the touch, and she took it with her into the bathroom. Connie sighed and leaned against the door, turning on the fan to really drown out any conversation happening outside. She quickly changed into her provided pajama bottoms, which fit comfortably on her hips, though they were several inches short in the leg. An old set, then. She considered the top for a moment before deciding against it, instead unknotting the shirt Pearl had lent her earlier and leaving it at that. She might not have the biggest chest in the world, but she was still a little worried the buttons of Steven’s old sleep shirt might gap.

She fiddled around in the bathroom, not really wanting to head out until she was certain Pearl’s phone call with her parents was over, feeling silly for being so avoidant. She looked down at her stomach, and other than being hungry, she really didn’t feel strange at all. She couldn’t remember what the berry tasted like, if it had been sweet or sour or even if she’d chewed it. None of that meant much when it came to the kinds of things that happened around Steven and the Gems, though.

She washed her face and zhooshed her bangs before finally deciding she could go outside. Steven and Lapis were sitting on the couch, chatting amicably, Peridot and Pearl nowhere to be seen.

“Connie!” Steven said, “Pearl’s talked to your parents -- we’re all clear to have our sleepover!”

“You’re mom had us write down this list of symptoms to watch out for,” Lapis said, holding up a sheet of paper covered front to back, “and also made me promise to watch you and Steven while you were asleep.”

“And you should probably text them when you have a chance.”

Connie nodded, numbly. Her mom really was a lot more understanding these days about the dangers that came with the life she was choosing to lead, and it made her avoidance seem all the more silly.

“What do you want to do while we wait for the pizza?” asked Steven, “It’s been way too long since we’ve had a sleepover! We could play a board game or make waiting-for-dinner-to-arrive snacks or maybe karaoke? You’ve never heard Lapis sing, right? She’s so good!" 

Lapis looked a bit sheepish, though a smile played at the corner of her mouth, “I’m okay, I guess.”

“Actually, karaoke does sound good,” Connie said, pushing out a smile, “Let’s sing, “Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” first.”

Karaoke dominated most of the night as it turned out, the three of them trading off, singing all together, alone, or dueted. New songs, old songs, goofy songs, songs clearly not in their range -- anything was fair game. Lapis even attempted to rap at one point, though she didn’t fully understand what it was, and Steven accompanied her stumbling attempts with exaggerated beatboxing that left Connie in stitches.

Steven flopped down next Connie when the song finished, grinning as she tried to compose herself in the midst of her laughing fit. He had changed into pajamas as well by now, a pair of drawstring shorts and a t-shirt that said Professional Beach Hunk. Connie was sure there was an interesting story behind that particular purchase.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Steven said. Connie nodded, letting out a gentle ‘hmm’ as she caught her breath. Finally staid, she drew her knees up to her chest and rested her check on them, looking up at Steven. There was something comforting pressing against her sternum, the physical manifestation of the peace Steven could evoke in just about anyone.

“How about you?” she asked. 

Steven took a moment to answer, scratching at his chin. There was obvious stubble there at this point in the night, and Connie vaguely noted that he must have to shave every morning now.

“I am kinda worried,” he said eventually, “but I guess I’m just trying not to dwell on it. The Gems are doing everything they can, and Peridot and Pearl are really smart. If anyone could figure out what those berries were, it’s them. So I’m going to trust them and just be happy I’m here right now. Spending time with you.”

The pressing feeling in Connie’s chest got heavier, making her bite her lip. She couldn’t tell if she liked it or not.

“Guys, do you want to sing “Don’t Start Unbelieving” with me?” Lapid interjected eagerly, and Connie wasn’t sure if she liked that or not either.

Midnight rolled around, then one o’ clock, and then the creeping arrival of two in the morning. Connie and Steven stepped up to the mic less and less. Blankets and pillows were slowly gathered from around the house to make a warm nest in the living room, all while they both insisted that they weren’t tired yet, just making things more cozy. Lights were lowered until only the T.V. was left, pulsing out a bluish glow as lyrics from the most recent song scrolled across the screen. The teenagers slouched against each other in the middle of their pile of textiles, drifting in and out of consciousness while Lapis sang a soft song, luring sleep ever closer.

_Skeleton boy by the side of the road._

_he warned me, he told me_

_he said, "there's this woman, she's a hurricane,_

_she will heal your heart up, she is hurrying”_

There was something creepy about the song Lapis was singing, like a story being told by an impossibly old man with fire in his eyes and tobacco in his beard. Connie didn’t know it. She wondered where Lapis had heard it before.

_Go suffocate and choke your own cry,_

_go where the water, where the water_

_seeps from the pink sky_

She was pretty sure Steven was asleep at this point, his breath warm against her face, steady and soothing. Connie could almost see the scene like a spirit floating above them, Lapis luminous in the low light, Steven and herself snug despite their irregular sleeping positions. It was somewhere between comforting and anxious, to be so much in her body and so much not. She almost didn’t feel real.

_I'm a lightheaded wonder_

_don't you see my mind slow down?_

_slow down_

Connie’s mind felt very slow at the moment, sluggish with exhaustion, too tired to push away the heavy blanket of rest that engulfed her. Steven’s weight was pressed against her side, a steady anchor that spoke in its assurity, telling her that it was okay to dream, to let go of a long and trying day. Yet something kept her afloat. She wanted to hear Lapis’s song. There was something important about it.

_Won’t you be my sacrifice?_

She was more asleep than awake now, only the smallest snipests of song making it through the layers of her cognition, weaving their way into the slowly forming nature of her dreams.

 

_no, I will heal my own heart up,_

 

_because you are hurting._

 

 _‘cause I'm a sunburn_  

_slap_

 

_upon your arm,_

 

_I'll twist you_

_‘til you break,_

 

_and you're a_

 

_hurricane._

 

Connie opened her eyes.

She was in a forest -- or a place that used to be a forest. It was clear there had recently been a fire, the skeletons of trees blackened and craggily. The forest floor cracked beneath her, spraying up puffs of ash and smoke with each step she took. It was cold, the heat of the fire long since dispersed, and a ghostly mist hung low around her, clinging to her elbows. She looked down and saw she was dressed differently, wearing a long grey gown that dragged by her bare feet, floating when she moved like she was part of the soot and fog. She could hear something nearby, breaking twigs with each step it took, but the mist was too thick to see who or what it was. Eventually, a shadow became a shape became a figure and the source of the noise was in her sight, practically on top of her, blinking in confusion.

“Steven!”

It was Steven, dressed in odd, grey clothing as she was, a crown of black leaves around his head. His shirt was unbuttoned at the bottom and his exposed gem glowed in the low light, the pink of his diamond so bright it hurt to look at 

“Connie!” said Steven, rushing to her side, “There you are!”

“How long have you been here?” Connie asked. She took his hands in hers and they felt solid and warm.

“Not long,” he said, squeezing her hands back, an assurance to himself, “Connie, I think we’re dreaming.”

It made sense. Connie couldn’t remember getting here, couldn’t remember how they ended up in new clothes. A dream was more logical than any other explanation. 

Nothing about the dreamscape altered with the realization, taking Connie a little by surprise. Usually when she realized she was dreaming she woke up immediately. But that made sense, too, in a way. Obviously, magical shared dreams worked on different rules than regular lucid dreaming. 

"Last time we did something like this we were Stevonnie," Steven said, finger to his chin, "With Dr. Mahashwaren and Yellow Diamond, when we were stranded out in space."

"Do you think this is like that? One of Rose's memories, but all mixed up with ours?"

"It's kinda coming out of nowhere if it is. And I feel too in control for it to be a memory, but who knows?"

Connie took another look around. The dreamscape was eerie, but not overtly threatening. “Maybe we should explore the space a bit, see if anything shows up, or if we feel compelled to do something out of character. It’s a dream either way, so we can’t really be in danger of getting hurt.”

“Sounds like a plan!” Steven’s smile was even brighter against the backdrop of destruction.

They kept their hands together as they walked, both security and an anchor to lucidity. They wandered, having no particular goal and nothing on the horizon to pursue, the persistent fog seeing to that. It was almost calming just to walk, very little in the way of expectation. Connie’s mind drifted, quickly flitting back to earlier that day in the labyrinth and all the thoughts that had risen to the surface of her mind with her conscious efforts no longer pushing them down.

She had sort of decided then, hadn’t she? That her relationship with Steven needed to take a turn, and soon. That there was no reason for her to not say “I love you”. She felt her face growing hot. Why was it still so hard, then? For a second in the labyrinth it had seemed easy -- it had danced on the tip of her tongue like something old and sacred, but that courage had retreated, lost somewhere in the tightness of her throat. Connie squeezed her eyes shut, trying to refocus her mind, knowing that this was a dream, that it could be altered with a few rogue thoughts. She didn’t want to be caught in a moment of her own making that she couldn’t begin to handle.

“Connie?”

Connie opened her eyes. 

In the few seconds she hadn’t been looking, the environment had completely changed. To their backs was the same burnt-out forest, rustling faintly with crumbling leaves, but ahead of them was a harsh cliff face, a pink waterfall spilling down its jagged rocks and boulders and into a glowing pool filled with roseate camellias, their color seeping into the water around them. A black sand beach encircled the pond, a shocking contrast to its pale coloring.

“It came out of nowhere,” Steven said, voice oddly hushed.

 _“Did I do that?”_ Connie thought. She tried to drop Steven’s hand, afraid her rising embarrassment could be felt in the sweat of her palm, but Steven’s grip tightened. Connie looked up at him, confused, but he was looking ahead at the pond, eyes entranced. He began to move forward.

“Steven?”

“We should go in,” he said, “I just have this feeling.”

Connie let herself be pulled along, but couldn’t quite ignore a heaviness that settled in her ribcage. They carefully shuffled into the water, rocks slimy against their feet, the water chillingly cool. Connie realized that this was the first time in the dream that her naked feet had felt anything, despite the sharp twigs on the forest floor. There was something more real about this pond. Maybe Steven was right about going in it.

They were submerged to roughly their knees when the faint sounds of violins and a guitar began to make themselves known to Connie, barely audible above the water crashing into rocks. Her brow furrowed.

“Music?” She muttered. She looked around for a source but found nothing. Fair enough, she supposed, for a dream. Maybe the song Lapis was singing earlier was reemerging from her subconscious. While she was distracted, Steven’s free hand came forward to grasp her own. For the second time in so many minutes, she looked up at him in confusion.

“Dance with me,” Steven said, eyes half-lidded.

“Uh,” Connie said, feeling very articulate. Dance with him? Steven was impulsive and carefree, but he knew better than to take a serious situation lightly. He must have gotten caught up in something, some part of this dream or memory without realizing it. 

Whatever state he, he seemed to take Connie’s utterance as a ‘yes,’ and he spun her around, her feet pulled out of the water in an arch and sending ripples and waves to the shore. His arm went around her waist in a smooth motion and she yelped, her free hand going to his shoulder, their bodies now very much pressed together. Connie could feel Steven’s Gem against her stomach as she settled back down into the water. Her head was both too light and too heavy, full of something prickly instead of her brain. She swallowed.

“Steven,” she said as the boy in question began to sway, “are you still lucid?” She couldn’t keep the tremor out of her voice.

“I’m fine,” he said.  

 _“That didn’t answer my question,”_ Connie thought.

“Steven,” Connie tried again, “This is a dream. We’re sharing it. We’re trying to find out why it’s happening. It might be related to the maze and berries. Try to remember.”

“What did you think about in the labyrinth, Connie?”

“Steven, please --”

“Tell me.”

“Steven, this isn’t like you,” She tried to push away from him, but he was strong, stronger than her. The music was loud in her ears, louder than the water now, the floating camellias brushing against her, hemorrhaging a pink so deep it was nearly scarlet.

“I thought about you,” he said. Connie’s heart stuttered and stilled. She didn’t like this. Her head was too prickly, jabbing at her temples from the inside.

“I want to wake up now,” she said, “this is too much.”

“What do you think of me?” asked Steven, his grip even tighter.

“Stop.”

“Answer me.”

“Stop!” Her dress, once so light it fluttered above the ground, was impossibly heavy, the dampness of the pool traveling up to her waist, frigidly cold. The camellias were red now, inflamed, bleeding into her clothes, her skin. Her head was pounding. The music was so loud, too loud.

“You have to answer. If you answer, it’ll all be over.”

Connie could barely hear Steven’s voice. Was it Steven’s voice? It was familiar, careful and deliberate…

She looked down at the water, so red and thick she could no longer see to the bottom. Her reflection shimmered back at her, but not Steven’s. There was no Steven, just a tall, dark figure where Steven’s reflection should have been. Something clicked in her in her rattled skull.

“This isn’t a shared dream,” she managed to get out between gritted teeth, “You’re not Steven.”

Her hearing cut out, replaced with a piercing ring, and the fake Steven dropped her. She quickly sank, pulled down by her soaking dress, the pool gaining a sudden, terrifying depth. Connie caught only the image of pale skin and dark hair before she was too far away to see anything at all, the water too cloudy with the camellia’s pigment.

 _“Wake up,”_ she thought. He chest burned from lack of oxygen and she kept sinking. She tried to breath in, knowing it was fake, but choked, lungs filling, a metallic taste on her tongue. _“Wake up!”_

Her vision was going dark around the edges and it was hard to think. It really felt like drowning, her mind recalling a bubble of water surrounding her head, a cracked Lapis holding her aloft. And she was so tired…

_“Wake up…”_

Her vision went completely black.

Connie opened her eyes.

“Wake up!” Steven shouted. They were back in his house, the sun streaming through the windows and drilling into her tired eyes. Connie sat up with a jerk, gasping and half expecting red water to start coughing up out of her lungs. Nothing came.

Steven’s arms were around her without another word, and she clung back tightly, disoriented.

“You’re really you, right?” She said, voice weak.

“I am,” and he sounded ragged as well, “I promise I am. And you’re really you and we’re both awake and we’re _safe_.”

Connie pulled back slowly, gently, and held Steven’s face in her hands. He looked awful, his face pale and clammy, the skin around his eyes purple with exhaustion. He read the question in her eyes before she had a chance to say it.

“We were in a forest that had burned down,” he said, “and then this pink pond with a waterfall. I thought it was you, but it wasn’t.”

“The same,” she said, “it was the same in mine.”

Steven dropped his forehead against Connie’s as they both started to shiver. Somewhere, distantly, Connie could hear Lapis talking on the phone, her voice barely on the coherent side of frantic.

“Those berries definitely did something,” Connie muttered. 

_“Something bad.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a thing I want to point out because I think I'm very clever, apparently: I used camellias in Connie's dream because Connie is often short for Constance, a name which, obviously, means constant or steadfast. Camellias symbolize steadfastness in the language of flowers. Ergo, camellias symbolize Connie. They are also very pretty and pink, so it worked well in the context.
> 
> I really didn't mean for this to become partially a song fic, but things happen sometimes I guess! I hope it was woven in well and wasn't too jarring for you. Lisa Loeb has been one of my favorite singer-songwriters for more than a decade. You should look into her music! She mostly does kid albums now, but I really like her work from the 90's and early 2000's.


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